Feelings

Feelings

I don't feel fine right now. I'm feeling lonely and empty. I really don't know what a feel but I am sad. I'm alone. I'm depressed. I want to cry so bad but the tears won't come, because of the years of holding them. I don't know if I'm even able to cry. I want it so much, but I can't do it, because I have been telling myself that I can't for so many years that I'm now incapable of changing it. I don't know if I am in love, or if I'm just feeling envious of that. All I know is that every time I see them, I get pissed. I don’t want to see them together ever again. But I don't know if I want him for me or not. I'm so angry. I'm so much better than him. Why can't I have that too? I'm so fine, and funny and smart. I know that I am interesting. But I'm alone. I need that for me. Desperately. I thought that I could hold that in me, but I can't anymore. I need to love and to be loved back. I need a warm body against mine when I am starting to fall asleep. I want to kiss shameless in front of everybody else. I want to fullfil all the dreams that I have been dreaming all my romantic life. I need to find my soulmate. Now.
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 I'm feeling angry. I don't want anybody to feel happy around me. They can't do this to me. Rub their happy smiles of joy and pleasure all over my face. I hate all of them. I want them to feel just a little bit of the sorrow that I'm feeling right now. They're despicable. Die you bunch of crap! You don't deserve that! I do!